3 years without you

Today is Joslynn's angel day. It has been one of the hardest days since she left us 3yrs ago. Even harder than her past angel days. I do not know why but for some reason every time I have looked at the clock today I have remembered what we were doing 3yrs ago. From waking up, breakfast, we had her favorite fruity pebbles, playing, lunch chicken nuggets, taking Arli to work and stopping by the park on the way home. she always loved playing at the park and just running around. Then coming home and playing some more, to the moment I put her down for her last nap ever. I still wish I had not done that. Even now as I am writing this I remember what we were doing. We were at the hospital saying goodbye. Something we never wanted to do. I remember everyone who was there, me, Arli, my mom, sister, aunt Susan, cousin Kristi and Arli's best friends Ken and Pattie. How we all held her and never wanted to let her go. How we all took our turns and kept passing her back and forth to each other want just 1 last chance to hold her. It lasted until about midnight and none of us wanted to leave. I can still remember every ones faces so vividly. Something I wish to never ever see again.

On days like today I do not know how I have made it this long. But I am so happy to know that I have found my way to get back to her. That she is up there waiting for all of us to be with her again. That we are a forever family and nothing can break that.

I do not want this post to be all sad. So I will end it with some of my favorite memories of her. She loved taking baths and the water. She was like a little fish I could not get her out. She would even dunk her head all by herself. She had the biggest most beautiful brown eyes ever with long eyelashes. I do not think I have ever seen a baby with that long of eye lashes. She loved spending time with her Daddy and would just glow when he was around. He was also the only man that she liked for a long time. She would always cry when a man came around who was not her Daddy. She was always happy I do not think that she was ever upset. I take that back. She did have like 2 temper tantrums in her life. One was that she could not get a bath and the other was that I had to wash her blankie. She loved her swing and slide. She would always try to walk down the slide instead of sliding down. But she never got hurt and would just laugh and laugh. She also thought we were not saving enough money for her so she thought it would be a good idea to hoard some change in her hiding spot and then eat it because her hiding spot was not good enough. I found a total of $.93 in her hiding spot plus she swallowed 24 cents. She was the best baby from the beginning. The night in the hospital she only woke up once! I was up at every little noise that came from her of course. It is so funny how everything changes when you are a mom. I was the hardest sleeper in the world until that night in the hospital. I mean she would the smallest noise and I would be at her side. I could go on and on about how many times she made us laugh and how much joy she brought into our lives. I love you so much baby girl. You are with us everyday and we miss you so much. I can not wait for the time where we can be together again and I can hold you in my arms one more time and watch you grow. I love you!